People love saying “look on the bright side.” I heard it after exams, after losses, even during COVID-19 when the world was in a state of chaos. I thought it was comforting at first, but over time, it started to feel like toxic positivity pressure. I had no space to feel anything else.
I remember feeling guilty for being sad, as if I was doing something wrong by not being okay all the time. So I started to hide how I really felt. When something went wrong, I told myself to move on quickly, not giving myself time to sit with disappointment or admit that I was struggling.
To look on the bright side. I thought being strong meant staying positive, so I pushed everything down and carried on. I did not realize then that hope does not mean forcing yourself to feel okay all the time.
When toxic positivity pressure takes over
Growing up in Malaysia, there is always the pressure to succeed. You are expected to do well in school, stay active in extracurriculars and build a good future for yourself. It starts young and follows you everywhere, and if you fall behind even a little, it feels like everyone can see it and point fingers at you.
I carried that pressure for years without realizing how much it was affecting me. I saw this most clearly during my time in debate and public speaking. I was not good at the start, and every loss stung more than I wanted to admit.
But instead of dealing with that feeling, I told myself to focus on the positives. That is what toxic positivity pressure teaches you to do. I smiled, congratulated others, and said I was fine. On the outside, I looked okay, but late at night I would replay every mistake and pick apart every move.
Because I never allowed myself to feel disappointment properly, it built up quietly, making each loss feel heavier than the last.
The pressure to succeed in Malaysia
Toxic positivity tells you to stay happy all the time. It sounds good, and in the moment it can feel comforting, but toxic positivity pressure leaves no space for much needed emotions. Life does not work like that.
In life, you will feel disappointed, uncertain and overwhelmed at times, and ignoring those feelings does not make them disappear. For me, it started to show up as burnout. I felt tired all the time, and even things I used to enjoy became harder to do.
I lost motivation, and that scared me, because it felt like I was losing parts of myself. That was when I realized that forcing myself to be okay was draining my self-esteem and slowly dulling my personality.
The burnout that comes from hiding your feelings
Olympic figure skater Alysa Liu’s story resonates with this a lot. She has spoken about how she stopped focusing on winning and started focusing on simply showing up for herself, and that shift changed how she experienced the sport.
I used to think leading a good and successful life meant feeling positive all the time, but now I see it differently. A good life means continuing even when things feel uncertain and allowing yourself to feel what you feel instead of hiding it. Feeling sad or lost is entirely human, and it does not take away from your hope.
I started small by noticing times when I would force myself to be okay and began to acknowledge how I actually felt. When I was tired, I admitted it instead of pushing it down. When I am upset, I sit in the feeling instead of trying to replace it with something more “positive.”
It felt uncomfortable at first, but I knew it was the first step in grounding myself.
Learning to be honest with myself
I began talking to people I trust, asking for help when I needed it and giving myself permission to rest during low moods without feeling guilty. Slowly, things began to shift and I felt more like myself again.
Many of us carry toxic positivity pressure: to always be okay and to never fall behind. Social media only makes this worse, because everyone seems to have their life so put together on the surface. But behind the scenes, many people are struggling in ways we do not see.
The truth is, you can feel more than one thing at once. You can feel grateful and tired, hopeful and disappointed, steady and uncertain. These emotions can co-exist. They do not cancel each other out and that is what hope can look like in real life.
Hope is not pretending to be okay
There is not one person in the world who feels 100% good all the time. One way to push back against toxic positivity pressure is by not forcing yourself to be positive when you are struggling.
I still love reading positive quotes and looking at the bright side. But I no longer use them to cover up how I feel. And now, my space feels lighter, not because everything is perfect, but because I am finally feeling all I need to feel.
This International Day of Hope, remind yourself that hope does not have to look like constant positivity. Allow yourself to feel everything, with the reminder to keep going, even when life feels uncertain.
READ >> Academic burnout is drowning students in Malaysia – me included
