My friend is a bully. Can I still be their friend?

Finding out that your friend is a bully can leave you with a whirlwind of emotions. You might want to defend them, especially if they’ve never shown you that side of them, but it’s super important to believe the ones who got hurt and understand how serious the situation is. Sebab walaupun your friend has been kind to you, it doesn’t mean they are kind to everyone.

When you dapat tahu your friend has been bullying others, memang biasa to feel a mix of guilt, shame, sadness, and anger. You may even question your own judgment, wondering how you missed the signs. And then comes the big question: should you stay friends or call it quits? It’s time to take a moment to figure things out. Let’s break it down and see what options you have.

Option 1: You go your separate ways.

There are sooooo many reasons you might choose this route. Choosing to cut ties with a bully shows your solidarity with the victims and sends a clear message that you don’t support that kind of behaviour.

On top of that, who we surround ourselves with also plays a big part in our own growth! You want to always surround yourself with people who pass the vibe check and lift you up. Ending this friendship can give you a chance to seek out more positive friendships that will shape you into the kinda person you want to be.

While ending the friendship definitely has its pros, I also nak bagitau that ending the friendship doesn’t guarantee that the bullying will stop. Just ‘cause you tak kawan dengan dia dah, tak bermakna they’ll stop their bullying terus. It’s, unfortunately, very possible that they’ll continue their harmful behavior with others if they are not confronted and/or held accountable.

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Option 2: You keep them in your life.

The beautiful thing about humans is that we are capable of change — yes, even bullies with a little help can turn over a new leaf.

Tapi if you decide to remain friends with the bully, you gotta step up and help them see the error of their ways. Here are some ways you can do it:

1. Talk it out: Have an honest conversation with your friend about what they’ve done. Let them know how their actions affect others and that you’re not okay with that behavior.
2. Get them to empathise: Encourage your friend to put themselves in the shoes of the ones they’ve hurt. Help them understand the pain and struggles the victims go through.
3. Knowledge is power: Share resources and info about the consequences of bullying. Make them aware of the damage it causes. The more they know, the more likely they are to change.
4. Lead by example: Be a beacon of kindness, respect, and empathy. Show them how to treat others well and let your actions inspire them to do better!
5. Seek support: Encourage your friend to seek guidance from a trusted adult or a counselor to tackle the underlying issues fueling their bullying behavior. (Yes, some bullies might be dealing with their own bullies, too. It can be a vicious cycle.)

Don’t let the bullying slide

Okay but here’s the tea: change doesn’t always come easy. Some bullies might terasa and refuse to change. Some won’t even ‘fess up to the harm they caused. In cases like that, it might be best to just walk away. But please please please take comfort in knowing that you did what was right, walaupun mesej to tak sampai.

In the end, it’s up to you to decide whether you want to stay friends with a bully. Consider how teruk the bullying is, whether the bully is willing to change, and if you have the energy to deal with all that. Remember, it’s essential to also take care of your own emotions.

So, my friends, discovering your kawan is a bully is a tough one. There’s no easy answer, but one thing’s for sure: believe the victims and don’t let bullying slide.

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