Ah, the festive season—where delicious food fills the air, laughter echoes through the walls, and relatives unleash a barrage of awkward questions faster than you can say, “Pass the pineapple tarts, please.” While festivities are meant to feel like a warm hug, for me, they often come with a side of dread. Over the years, I’ve unpacked why these questions make me squirm and how I can better face them.
So, here’s my step-by-step guide to tackling the most commonly asked awkward questions with grace, humor, and just the right amount of sass (burn optional).
“When are you getting married / finding a boyfriend or girlfriend?”
Of course, the MPV of all awkward questions during family gatherings, especially if you have managed to survive more than two festive seasons as a single person. For some reason, aunties and uncles are more invested in your love life than you are.
As I thought about this question more, I realized it comes from a belief that everyone’s life should follow the same marriage-kids-retirement blueprint. Older generations often equate marriage with a good life—partly because it was once an economic necessity for women. But times have changed, and so have priorities. Many young Malaysians are focused on career growth, self-discovery, or, dare I say, enjoying single life (because marriage is not cheap!). And for our LGBTQIA+ friends, these questions can feel especially heavy, given the stigma around being LGBTQIA+ in Malaysia.
How to respond? Humor is your best friend. Try: “I’m waiting for Single’s Inferno to have a Malaysian version so I can join and have a reality TV proposal”, or “Right after I convince my cat/ dog to start paying its share of the house rent.” If all else fails, redirect the conversation: “Speaking of weddings, how was the last one you attended?”
“Have you gained weight?”
This deserves an award for being one of the most unnecessary and awkward questions of them all. Seriously, aunties and uncles—what a way to ruin the mood while I’m reaching for another buttery pineapple tart!
People often think comments about weight are harmless, but they strike a nerve. I’ve struggled with body image issues for years, so such remarks can be deeply insensitive and even triggering for those with similar challenges. They also reinforce unrealistic beauty standards that glorify slimness as the only “acceptable” body type. So, if you’re debating whether to skip the rendang (like I once did), here’s a spoiler: don’t. Life’s too short to pass up your mom’s once-a-year masterpiece.
How to respond? Here’s what you can say: “Yes, I have. And I’m proud to say it’s because I found the best laksa spot in town.” Or, set a boundary with kindness: “I’d rather not talk about my weight, but thanks for noticing my awesome glow up. Let’s continue enjoying this delicious rendang.”
Remember: your worth isn’t tied to your waistline.
“Why don’t you have a real/ successful job yet?”
Nothing spices up a festive gathering like a relative subtly (or not-so-subtly) comparing your achievements to a distant cousin who just became a doctor or launched a business.
For many of our older relatives, success meant stability—like landing a government job or joining a “respectable” profession—because, back in their day, those careers guaranteed security and respect. But times have changed. Younger generations are navigating gig economies, digital careers, and an ever-evolving job market. Survival now means adapting to this landscape, even if it doesn’t look like the stable jobs of the past.
How to respond? Flip the narrative: “Success is subjective, but I’m crushing my goal of running an extra thirty minutes on the treadmill.” Or, go philosophical: “I think it’s time we define success as happiness and balance. What do you think?
The Bigger Picture
Why do these awkward questions hurt? They come from a place of love, sure, but they’re rooted in cultural traditions that often clash with modern values. These questions feel like they’re poking at my personal autonomy, forcing me to justify my choices to people who may not fully understand my journey. Whether it’s about my career, relationship status, or life goals, these questions stem from outdated societal norms, creating a disconnect between the asker’s expectations and my lived reality. Honestly, this disconnect feels invalidating—who needs that energy while bonding over tea?
But while these moments can be awkward, there’s also an opportunity for growth—both for you and your family.
If you are facing invasive questions this festive season, remember: empathy, humor, and boundaries are your allies. Laugh it off, change the subject, or gently explain why certain questions aren’t okay. Our older family members may not understand the impact of their words.
At the end of the day, family gatherings are about connection, not confrontation. Awkward questions are annoying, but your relatives are still family.. Let’s encourage them to celebrate each other’s uniqueness—awkward pauses and all.
