My experience with depression came when I least expected it. It started like a slow breeze. But slowly, over time, it grew louder like thunder I couldn’t ignore. It turned my world upside down. Back then, I had no idea “depression” was real, or that it was something people my age could go through and relate to.
Back then, I had no idea “depression” was real, or that it was something people my age could go through and relate to.
Before depression
I grew up with my grandparents until I was 17. They were everything to me – my parents, my friends, my teachers, my supporters. They were my safe place, the people who made the world feel steady and secure.
They were there on my very first day of school. On every big or small win – they cheered for me.
My grandma used to tie my hair every morning. She did that from my school days until I started working. Whenever I came home, she would always ask, “How was your work?” “Was it tiring?” “Are you hungry?” Her soft voice would always lighten my rough days.
They taught me how to be kind and showed me love without saying much.
My life felt predictable and full of routine. I always knew what to expect and where I belonged.
Then, just when everything seemed perfect, my grandparents had to move abroad. I was happy for them, but honestly the sadness was heavier than the joy. Who wants to be separated from their loved ones, right?
My experience with depression
After my grandparents left, I moved in with my mom. I thought being in a familiar place, a house I had always visited, would make me feel better. But it didn’t. The rooms felt empty, and loneliness filled the space.
I didn’t see the faces I was used to seeing as soon as I woke up. And I didn’t hear the voices that made me feel at home. The routines I loved were gone. It tore me apart every day. The familiar house felt new to me – and not in a good way. Well, life doesn’t always go your way, does it?
It felt like a war inside me. One part wanted to get better, while the other found no meaning in anything.
Slowly, I found it hard even to get out of bed. The chores I once did with ease suddenly seemed impossible. Simple things that once brought me joy, like drawing and writing, felt distant and heavy. I didn’t know how to express what was happening, so I stayed silent.
The thunder in my head grew stronger. Dark thoughts started taking over. It felt like a war inside me. One part wanted to get better, while the other found no meaning in anything. Honestly, it was the hardest time of my life.
Finding healing after depression
Depression stayed with me for two years. Today, I feel like I’ve only overcome about 60% of it. I’m still trying to find joy in the hobbies I once loved. Slowly, but surely, I’m moving forward. Healing doesn’t need to be fast. A slow process is still a process.
Healing doesn’t need to be fast. A slow process is still a process.
What I’ve learned from my experience with depression is this: it can happen for reasons that might seem small to others but feel big to us. And that’s OK. Our feelings are valid.
I’ve also learned that small steps matter. Talking to someone, writing down our thoughts, cleaning our bed, tidying our room. These tiny actions can help more than we know. For me, even writing about my experience is part of healing.
If you’re going through something similar, know this: You’re not alone. Healing is not about speed. It’s about progress, one step at a time.
Editor’s Note: Who you can talk to in Malaysia
If you’re feeling confused, stressed, helpless and anxious, don’t bear it up alone. Seek help and find someone you trust to talk to.
- Talian Heal 15555 – mental health crisis helpline 8:00 am – 11:59pm daily.
- Befrienders KL (03-7956 8145) – emotional support 24 hours everyday
