Life has thrown me several emotional curveballs, and one of the hardest was my father’s diagnosis of stage 4 cancer during my final year of uni. I was in shock, but before I could fully process his illness and having to care for him, I lost him. Though his time was short, the experience of caring for someone with a terminal illness taught me lessons I never expected to learn: about love, strength, and resilience in the face of loss.
If you and I share a common experience, you might be in the midst of caring for someone with a terminal illness right now. First off, sending you all the virtual hugs and strength you need. Taking on this role is both incredibly courageous and profoundly difficult, and it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. I’m right here with you.
Caring for someone with a terminal illness isn’t just about managing medical needs – it’s a deep, emotional journey that impacts every part of your life. Sometimes it’s like being on a rollercoaster where the tracks keep changing direction, and you never really know when the ride ends. Or if you’d even want it to.
I mean there’s the practical side to it: appointments, medications, and possibly palliative care. But there’s also all the emotional stuff: the heartache, the fear, and sometimes the anger. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed; your feelings are valid, and it’s crucial you give yourself the permission to experience them.
Understanding the Journey
One of the hardest lessons in caregiving is learning that self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. In other words, you’re not doing anyone any favours by running yourself into the ground. Which is why finding moments of peace – whether it’s a quiet cup of tea, a walk in nature, or just zoning out with your favourite playlist, is crucial. Remember, you’re like a phone battery: you need to recharge to keep going.
I definitely grappled with a lot of guilt needing time off from the hospital. I was juggling uni and being at the hospital, all during lockdown. Even thinking back, it gives me jitters now. Nevertheless, I’ve accepted the fact that the only way I remained strong was because I took time off.
Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Surrounding yourself with people who understand what you’re going through can make a huge difference. Sadly, but also luckily for me, I had friends who’ve been through similar situations. Sometimes just talking about it can lighten the load. Additionally, there are also numerous online forums and support groups specifically for caregivers of terminally ill patients. Don’t hesitate to lean on these resources.
Amidst all the challenges of terminal illness care, cherish the small, beautiful moments you share with your loved one. Laughter, reminiscing, and simply being present can offer comfort and create lasting memories. It’s these moments that often provide solace and strength during the toughest times. And you will come to realise that in these moments of shared strength, your bond with others deepens too. These moments will be what you take with you for the rest of your life, so cherish them.
Seek Professional Help When Needed
There’s no shame in seeking help from a counsellor or therapist. Professional support can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies. Sometimes, having someone to talk to who isn’t directly involved can offer new perspectives and relief. Caring for someone with a terminal illness is no small task, especially when the rest of your life is also demanding of your attention.
Helpful Resources
- Family Caregiver Alliance
- Caregiving at The End of Life
- Caring for the Terminally Ill
- Handbook for Carers in BM, ENG, CHI, and TAM
You’re doing something incredibly brave and loving. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, and know that there’s support out there for you. You’re not alone in this. Sending you strength and a reminder to breathe and care for yourself.
